


Hell with a Handbag

by Shi_Toyu



Series: Soulmate Mash-Up [7]
Category: Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Groping, Loki Does What He Wants, Non-Consensual Groping, Old Ladies, Soulmate-Identifying Timers, Tony Being Swarmed By Old Ladies, Tony Being Tony, loki to the rescue
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-31
Updated: 2016-01-31
Packaged: 2018-05-17 10:36:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,957
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5866171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shi_Toyu/pseuds/Shi_Toyu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony had known the moment he spotted Mrs. Kordeski that there would be trouble. He hadn’t even wanted to be at this event, but Pepper had insisted. Granted, Tony knew that he’d be meeting his soulmate no matter where he was, but he’d still rather it not be in a ballroom surrounded by uptight rich smoozes clambering for his attention. Speaking of which, Mrs. Kordeski’s friend had just latched herself onto Tony’s arm, making herself an immovable weight to keep him in place while the others swarmed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hell with a Handbag

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PeaceHeather](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeaceHeather/gifts).



 

Tony had known the moment he spotted Mrs. Kordeski that there would be trouble. He hadn’t even wanted to _be_ at this event, but Pepper had insisted. Granted, Tony knew that he’d be meeting his soulmate no matter where he was, but he’d still rather it not be in a ballroom surrounded by uptight rich smoozes clambering for his attention. Speaking of which, Mrs. Kordeski’s friend had just latched herself onto Tony’s arm, making herself an immovable weight to keep him in place while the others swarmed.

Not a single one of Mrs. Kordeski’s friends could be a day under 180. They were wizened, wrinkled, stooped, and very, very handsy. Tony wasn’t even sure how old he was the first time he’d had to fend off the wandering hands of this pack of old women, but they certainly hadn’t seemed any younger back then. He was pretty sure he’d jumped a few good inches the first time one of them had pinched his ass. Now, he just pasted on a smile and swept his gaze across the room, looking for Pepper. She knew the situation. She would help him.

The counter etched into the skin on Tony’s wrist would be hitting zero any minute now. He’d been waiting to meet his soulmate for _years,_ ever since he was old enough to understand what a soulmate was. Granted, your counter didn’t hit zero at the moment you first met your soulmate, not necessarily. It could, for sure, but that wasn’t always the case. It could be someone you already knew, but the two of you were finally ready for each other. Tony had always kind of liked the thought of that, building up a friendship, maybe even a crush, with someone before finding out they were his soulmate. Right now, though, all he really wanted to make sure of was that his counter didn’t hit zero in a pack of old ladies. He glanced at his wrist, the fabric of his sleeve just barely pulled up enough to expose the numbers there. Three minutes and forty-seven seconds. Damn. He needed to act fast.

“Well, you know,” Tony cut in to whatever Clarabelle Thompson was saying, “with so many gorgeous women around, there’s only one thing a man could find himself in need of.” There was a spattering of giggled. “A drink! May I interest any of you lovely ladies in some libations?”

The woman on his arm, blessedly, allowed him enough movement to start heading for the bar. Tony could see the familiar head of black hair pulled back in a low ponytail even from here. Pale hands moved across bottles with expert grace. Tony made sure Loki worked the bar at every one of his events since he’d first met the man. He was downright magic with anything that had alcohol. Tony’s gaggle of women stuck close around him. As soon as they drew near enough, green eyes met Tony’s, brimming with amusement.

“A round for the ladies, if you would.”

Loki smirked at him knowingly and swept into a mock bow.

“But of course. What shall it be, ladies? I’ve just come up with something new, if you’d care to try it. It’s a Strawberry Mimosa.”

God, yes. Tony would have to remember to leave Loki a huge tip tonight for rescuing him. It wasn’t the first time the talented bartender had done so. He was a seasoned veteran in helping Tony escape his unwanted gawkers or hanger-ons. Now, all Tony had to do was slip away while the ladies were distracted…

“Where do you think you’re going?” Mrs. Cooper, who was easily one of the oldest in the group, asked pointedly as she materialized beside him.

Tony gave a nervous little laugh. Rebecca Cooper was on her sixth husband, as far as Tony knew, and every single one of first five had passed away. All of natural causes, of course, but that was still creepy as Hell.

“Just wanted to make sure you all had room. Aren’t you going to let Loki make you a drink? He’s the absolute best at it.”

Mrs. Cooper tutted.

“My doctor’s got me on this new-fangled medication for my heart. No alcohol allowed.” Her tone expressed exactly how much she _didn’t_ approve. She still winked at him, though. “Guess I’ll just have to keep myself entertained in other ways, won’t I?”

She gave him a slow smile and, oh, yeah, there was the hand on his ass. He maneuvered carefully out of range for easy groping, pressing his back up against the bar for added protection. (Not that they couldn’t and _had_ groped him on the front end, too.)

“That’s very sweet of you, Mrs. Cooper, but I wouldn’t want to make your husband jealous.”

“Oh, please. That old coot’s going to keel over any day now. I wouldn’t worry too much about him.”

Shit. Yep. _Super creepy._

Tony’s eyes darted around, looking for a chance at salvation. Across the bar, Loki was pouring drinks as though he didn’t even notice the ladies in front of him making comments about the things they’d do to his tall, lithe body. He just finished up the drinks with a smile and a flourish before sending some pretty damn devastating bedroom eyes at his audience.

“Why, Mrs. Kordeski, I do believe you’re only allowed to do that to the pool boy.”

This, of course, caused their utter delight and even Mrs. Cooper’s momentary distraction. Tony glanced at his wrist again. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_. Forty-nine seconds. He needed to get away from these women, _yesterday._ Not even bothering to be subtle about it, Tony hopped up to sit on the counter of the bar and rolled himself over it. There were exclamations from the gathered ladies as pale hands grabbed onto his upper arms to steady him. Tony flashed Loki a grateful smile. Wherever Pepper was, Tony was pretty sure she was cursing his name.

Green eyes betrayed Loki’s concern as Tony righted himself behind the bar. The genius figured he’d owe the poor guy an explanation after all this. He did tend to put all of his employees through quite a bit of stress, didn’t he? He should work on that. Later, though. Right now, he needed to get away from this damn pack of old ladies with their steel wool hair and oversized handbags that let out a ploom of baby powder every time they opened. Jesus, and people said _men_ were supposed to be lecherous in their old age.

“Sorry, gotta run.”

He could practically feel the numbers on his wrist ticking down with every passing second. God, he had to get out of here, away from _people_ , away from anyone who might not be his soulmate. He didn’t want there to be any question. He wanted to _know_. Spotting the doors out onto the balcony, he made a beeline for them. It was mid-January in New York. No one in their right mind would be out in this kind of weather. Of course, anyone who happened to be _his_ soulmate probably wouldn’t be in their right mind anyway.

He slammed through the doors, the chill winter air hitting him like a freight train. His skin burned, his eyes watering. _Fuck_. Maybe he should have thought this through a little bit more but there _just wasn’t time_. He yanked the sleeve of his suit jacket up.

…7…

The balcony didn’t go anywhere. No stairs led in any other direction. Spotting someone would be easy.

…6…

It wasn’t like someone could be hiding behind one of the sculpted, decorative trees placed in each corner.

…5…

Shit, what if Tony was in the wrong place? What if he _had_ been meant to skip this fucking stupid event? What if now he was going to miss his soulmate?

…4…

That wasn’t how soulmates worked. Tony knew that. Your soulmate would be wherever you were when the counter hit zero.

…3…

So did Tony just not have a soulmate, then? Was that what this was supposed to tell him? That he was going to be alone for the rest of his life?

…2…

Figured. _Fucking_ figured. Of course Tony wouldn’t have a soulmate. Who would want to be stuck with _him_ for all eternity?

…1…

“Tony? Are you alright?”

Tony whirled. Loki was standing in the doorway back into the event hall, arms tucked in close to stave off the cold and looking concerned.

“What are you doing out here?”

Loki drew a bit closer, letting the door close behind him.

“You seemed pretty…off kilter in there. I know I shouldn’t have left the bar, but Cleo will be able to hold down the fort for at least a few minutes without me. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Tony’s gaze flicked down to the thick, black leather band around Loki’s own wrist. He’d never seen the man without it. Could it…was it actually possible?

“Please tell me your counter just hit zero.”

Loki’s eyebrows shot up as the rest of his body froze completely. He shot Tony an icy glare.

“I wouldn’t know. I don’t look at it.” He sniffed haughtily. “The idea of a perfect match is contrived and unnecessary. I refuse to participate in such drivel. Were it possible to remove the counter from my skin, I would have done so long ago.”

Tony flinched. _Hard._

“Oh.” His voice sounded brittle even to his own ears, but he kept his eyes firmly on the ground. “I, uh. Right. Yeah. Of course. Sorry I said anything. Just…Just ignore me.”

He was trembling, he knew, and it wasn’t from the cold. He ground his teeth together with the effort of attempting to control his body but the shaking _wouldn’t stop_. God dammit, he was pathetic. He’d gone his entire life so far without a soulmate, defying his father’s prediction of Tony being useless. He hadn’t needed a soulmate to accomplish everything he had so far. He’d wanted one without a doubt, but Loki was right, he didn’t _need_ one to do all of the things he did already.

The trembling stopped, or at least the trembling that wasn’t due to the cold, as Tony came to a realization. Loki was _right._ Tony had been in there making a scene just because he wanted to know who his soulmate was when he knew damn well he would have me them _anyway_. As if that weren’t bad enough, he’d then psyched himself out completely once he was out in this isolated location. A bark of laughter escaped him, clearly startling Loki. He looked about two seconds from fleeing.

“Sorry, sorry,” Tony apologized. “I’ve just never heard someone give that opinion before and it makes so much _sense_. I feel like an idiot.”

Loki’s eyes flickered down to Tony’s wrist, lingering for just a moment too long to go unnoticed, then his eyes met Tony’s again.

“Soulmates are unnecessary,” he said again, carefully. “I have always much preferred the notion of forging a bond instead of just instantly assuming one and foregoing the effort.”

A warm feeling curled around Tony’s heart as a grin spread across his face.

“Yeah. I’ve always kind of liked the thought of getting to know my soulmate, getting to _like_ them, before I knew they were my soulmate.”

The look in Loki’s eyes could only be described as tightly contained hope.

“Can we go back inside now?” the bartender asked. “It’s freezing out here and I’ve got some stuff behind the bar that’ll work great for warming us up.”

Tony beamed.

“Only if I get to hide behind the bar, too. Those ladies are _terrifying_.”

Loki snorted.

“Ladies? That’s a gaggle of Hell with a handbag.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have a number of other soulmate fics upcoming, too! SO MANY IDEAS, guys!


End file.
